Lagenda Kita, Aku dan Kau

The Upsetting Fact...

2012-02-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

all through these past years, maybe i have been receiving too much love from my family so i guess it is fair enough if i doesn't receive much love and attention from others. that's what i have always thought but doesn't be able to receive much love compared to what i have given is really upsetting. the feeling of trusting someone and loving someone but the people doesn't really feel and treat the same way like we did, ah that feeling is just as sucks as the feeling living in the world without trusting any people at all.

people always said that the world is cruel and mean but what they did not know is the people living in the world is actually the one who is cruel. i know i might i have said this things many times but please just pretend that this is the first time you listen this words from me. to share this whole wide world with other people from different family and having difference personality are sometimes unbearable. to hurt and to be hurt, these two things feels the same to me. both makes me feel bad.

i love to watch movies and dramas although mostly might not to your guys liking but who cares ? for me every each of movie and drama taught me to see the world from different perspective. i don't know how film's critics gave comments saying this movie is this and that movie is that while i have a great time watching it and able to see the world from a different point of view. i know there are sometimes a film which i never wish to watch again but that doesn't mean i did not gain anything from watching it. if all the people in the world has the power to feel what others' feel, i think they will all try their best to not hurting each other feelings.

learn to be understanding, think before you talk and make any action, see the world from different perspective and try to accept people's point of view. if you have a pure heart and brain i am sure you will use the ears to listen, the eyes to observe, the mouth to say good things, and the body to make a right action. because a pure heart and a rational mind can always lead people to great life. at the end of the day, it will always be ourself alone to make the decision and it is always our choice whether to choose the right path or the wrong one. other people might guide us but we are the only one who can change ourself

It is more than enough...

2012-02-09T15:14:00.000-08:00

It's 6.37 am in the morning when i first type this although i am not pretty sure what time i am gonna click the publish post button. but who the hell care when and what time post this crap anyway. it's not like i am an artish with lots of fan. nobody even bothers anyway. this is my place to be poetic, to be emotional and making drama. bear with it ! so this is it, today i am going start my day with posting this post talking about 70% about how i feels now and another 30% just another dramatic and poetic words. LOL. i just want to tell you 5% facts about me i guess.

Things has been weird lately. there's always up and down. in one day, i can laugh, cry, smile, felt disappointed and all. it's only now i understand how things around us can change us in a second. i do not what will happen in the future and i have no power to change my past, nobody can. we are neither no god nor angels or what. so, i just gonna promise myself that no matter happen in the future, no matter how much do i change, and no matter what the outcomes, i'll be fine with it. i want to be someone strong that gonna do something worth with her life although i am not a genius freak that scores straight As. i am not sure that i can keep the positive minds that i have now. but Allah is always there and my family gonna accompany me, guiding me in this long journey. i might fail in my exams and all. but the one thing i can't stand failing is fail to make my loved one happy.

For me, that's a huge failure. because i know they have always make me happy when i am down, they are always there when i need someone, the motivational had never stop when i am out of philosophy about life. what i have now is more than enough and i am grateful for that. i am neither a good daughter nor a good friend but what i can tell you is i have learnt a lots of things throughout the journey of life. the me 15 years ago might be cute and adorable and the me now might be annoying and cranky. the me 12 years ago might be gedik and has non-stop blabbered about stupid things while the me now is just someone that hurts people feelings with her honest but mean words. the me 7 years ago who always hang out with boys and have a lot of boys' friend are completely different to me now who can count her boys' friend with the fingers. i have been through a lot to get into this personality of mine. i heard people say that he or she never changes. well, for me it's a total bullshits. people change everyday, but it depends on each people whether to make it a better change or the opposite.

I don't have many friends that i can say a true friend. it took me at least two years to recognize which one is friend and which one is ..... yes, i have 4 names in mind now. i don't want to mention and tell the world who they are. i think it is enough i know who they are. i got hurt by people's words and actions easily but through all the test Allah had given me, they are there. they proved me that there are still a human being that has a pure heart and are different from our same kinds. i am not sure whether they are willing to sacrifice their life for me and jump in front of bullet for me. what do i know is having them besides me are more than enough for me. they don't need to do anything because all i want is a sincerity and honesty in relationship because i have a very goo memories. how people make me feels, what they have done and what they said left an impact at me. once you're in then i'll love you, cherish you but once you broke my heart. you'll kick out maybe forever. having my family and friends that are sincere and honest with me is blessed. they are someone who i can trust and it is more than enough...

I am Not a Failure,,,

2012-02-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

hey guys, i don't know whether there's people missing reading my blog. i know i haven't update my blog for months i guess. i seriously miss blogging but because of i have been busy with driving lesson and protecting the dignity i had left. i know how dramatic it sounds like but i guess 2012 started with a seriously bumpy and rocky starting. things had been hectic and tiring sometimes. this makes me realize that the world i used to live had change. i mean, my world had change, some might said that there are nothing different but as for me things started to slowly changing. i think i've just knocked a big door and enter it with too many expectations, i keep saying that things will be fun after i finished high school back then. but now, look at how pathetic am i looking at the courses offered at the university. to make up my mind to choose were super hard. i don't know what will my future be and how things will work out. but hey, i am here just hoping that it'll be just fine and praying for the best. keep a positive mind and be ready with whatever outcomes might be later. what am i saying ? look, at how terrible my english are. oh god ! on January 19th, i took my first time driving license test and of course, even i couldn't change the family tradition. LOL. i failed the first time, but i was the first one to fail the so called "jalan raya test" in my family. i don't know whether that it was something that i can be proud of or not. i had been super duper upset and disappointed with myself that day. i have no mood and busy protecting and comforting myself for failing. it was embarrassing and i hate when people asked about it to be honest. i feel like i can never drive anymore, felt like run away and bury myself. i know how strict and mean that JPJ was. but, i know i can do well actually, if i didn't messed up and nervous as hell and kept thinking about everything he said, i know i'll pass on the first try. after two weeks, i re-take the stupid test and Alhamdulillah i passed :) the first time failing's memories and all just flew away just like that. i felt like flying and i realized there are nothing to be ashamed of. at least, i didn't give up ! my advice, no matter how terrible and how many times you gonna fall and fail, just don't give up ! believe in yourself and remember there are always people that prays for you and love you. when you feel bad and down, remember you are not alone. at least, Allah are there. so, don't give up. because babies never give up. remember, how many times we fall before we can walk like a grown adult ? no, we don't...because we fall just too many times. the important thing is just don't forget to stand back and keep trying :)

*sorry, for the terrible language and grammar because i am not in a right mind now. i just type whatever flew in my mind because i miss blogging. so, sorry !*

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012 !

2011-12-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

everything seems to pass by quickly, i just felt that 2012 come so fast like a blink of an eye. 2012 surprise me. 2011 has been a very great year for me ! the things i haven't done and had on 2010, i have been a chance to feel it on 2011. 2011, taught me what friendship are. 2011 taught me that in life, we should know how to balance things out. there are just some things that can never be ours although we work pretty damn hard for it. there are just times when we have to feel the pain, crying and all. in life, you need to sacrifice, learn to give in, learn to accept, learn to hear and listen to people's thought. you are not alone, and you'll never be alone, because we human live in the same world sharing the same world together. 2011 also has taught me how to choose friends, how to stand up, how to be grateful, how to cherish and how to be happy although life is such a pain in the ass. during this whole year, i have to admit there's time i want to skip and never want to remember that time anymore but the sour and bitter make me who i am today. that bitter and sour moment opened my eyes to not to do the same mistakes and avoid the same bad things to happen again. every each obstacle Allah had given me is like an exam for me to see whether i fail or pass to move on the next level. i thank Allah because so far, Allah only gave me obstacle that i can still face with a rational mind with the help of my beloved ones. today, will be the last day of 2011 and 2011 will always be in my memory forever, insyaAllah. have a great new year readers ! may Allah bless you with great life and happiness :)

- to my best listeners, Siti Raihani tercinta, the Justin Bieber's die hard SyzAlya, Shahira Azma, Muhd. Ali Hakim, Iftikar, dan Fakhirin Nubli : best of luck for PLKN ! always remember that i'm gonna pray for your happiness and life ! i love you guys ! *special kepada Raihani tercinta : dapat lelaki handsome ingat dekat aku, walaupun kau pergi tiga bulan sahaja, tapi aku still rasa macam kau nak pergi tahun, it hurts and it's sucks knowing that you won't be around for 3 months. semoga kita dapat kejayaan yang kita mahu dan semoga Allah berkati hidup kita ! aku sayang kau sangat ! okay dah bye ! aku tak nak drama lebih. LOL* -

The One With The Money. . .

2011-12-30T03:51:00.000-08:00

i don't know about other country, but the way i understand and i have been raised with the environment that the one with the money rules the world. the law that exists now doesn't give any effects to the rich one. with money you can't escape the punishment that you should have paid for what you have done. money shows power. people these days tend to forget that the basic moral in human life are actually sharing and caring the world with each other despite the difference standards. i have always thought that 90% of rich people are proud with what they have or should i say spoiled brat. but when i watch astro fiesta yesterday the story about Negeri Sembilan royal families, i realize that they are still somewhere in the world that rich people know how to be grateful and know how to use and take good benefit of the property that they have. listening and watching their life's style is actually rather fascinating. i was dazzled by the two prince, not only they are good looking but they are well-educated too. i just wanna say that they really make change my perspective of thinking about the one with whole lots of money in their pocket.

Gratitude

2011-12-21T22:19:00.000-08:00

I know how unfair life might be, how cruel life might be and even sometimes life was so unbearable until the slightest thought of ending it crossed inside your mind. when things turn out badly and the outcomes are not like what we've imagine, we start cursing and blaming the whole as if we've done nothing wrong. we started to ask ourselves what the hell i do was wrong, it's not like i take drugs, commit a crime, and do things against the law. human being, they never know how to be grateful don't they ? that's why when things turned out badly they started to do things that wasn't supposed to do. like taking drugs, killing people and themselves, and all the craps. but what can we do ? we can't change their nature of human. we're no angles nor god. we're just a weak and despicable human being that always forget to be grateful with what we had. because of the things so called greed people tend to forget to thank and be grateful what they had achieve and already have. they were just too greedy and wanting more. when you lost something you asked god what have you done wrong and what did you do to deserved such punishment, but when you're given chance to live and breath everyday, have you ever thank god for that ? when you're born with great family but your life turns out sucks after god take them from you, you blame god being too cruel. but when they're still breathing have you ever thank god and be grateful having the chance to be loved by them ? there's a thing we can't get although we work hard. no matter how hard we work for it we just couldn't get it, do you know why ? that's we called god is being fair. you couldn't get everything that you want in the world because that will be unfair to others. i have learnt a lot from my life experience and from a man. my experience and the lesson taught by that man is something precious. the lesson of being grateful for being able to breathe until today from day i was born to this world...

"Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need"

- Sarah Ban Breathnach -

Loving Someone Definition

2011-12-21T01:46:00.000-08:00

Everyone has their love story and of course not everyone has a happy ending. Sometimes, it takes countless relationship before you found the perfect one. Sometimes, it's even worse when you haven't given a chance to love or to be loved. Life is not beautiful like the novel, movies and dramas we read. You'll never be happy all the time, there must be a time where it hurts and the time where you broke into tears. But, that's how we learnt how to be strong, how to pick up and get back on our feet again. Life is filled with many painful things. Loving someone is not a fancy, sweet and romantic things that are well portrayed in the movies. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to be together, breathe together, share the same air together. If one person dies, it doesn't mean the love dies too. Even though, it's a one-sided love but as long as we love someone, then there's still love. It's funny isn't it ? How love make people go crazy and lost all the rational thinking. That's what I called love, seeing someone you love happy and alive although you're not by their side. Loving someone is all about making them happy. They doesn't have to be with you to proof that you love them. If you force someone to be with you without their willingness, that's not love that's an obsession. Loving someone doesn't mean they have to be the one for you. You can't force someone to love you. How would you feel if someone does the same things to you ? Maybe they are just not the one that can complete your love story, once you've found one then you'll know what true love is.

May Tomorrow be a Better Day

2011-12-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

i have always believe that bad things always happen in the same time because the good and great things will happen next in the same time too. but it's just us who didn't open our eyes wider enough to realize all the beauty that Allah gave us. i may sound depress like hell for the last few days but i am actually pretty okay dealing with my problems. i am not the type who shows everything although i love to be a dramatic and exaggerating when i played with my words. what to do en ? jadi freedom writer kat blog memang kena ada genetic meng-exaggerating. LOL. things has come back to normal now, only one problem that has not been solve yet. i am still waiting for a solid answer now from someone that owe me an explanation. i guess that's it ! toodles !

"Why do we fall sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up"
- Alfred to Bruce Wayne ; Batman Begins -

I'm Upset and I'm Fed Up

2011-12-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

the tittle says it all. i'm upset with everything and i'm fed up. i don't know what to do and who to seek for advice now. i just hate everything about now. i didn't apply for UPU yet and yes i didn't make my decision whether i am better off stay in my room studying english by myself or burn my parents money by attending british council's class. i thought life after SPM was suppose to be fun with no school, homeworks and books. but this is just pathetic. i don't know whether it is just me, but i really miss my girls and boys. i didn't miss my school. but i miss my friends, somehow i think only they can cheer me up right now. i seriously don't know what is happening and i got tired trying to know what is happening. i don't know what i did and i am tired figuring out what i did. there's too many problems and the atmosphere are just weird whenever i'm around even on the place i spent my entire time. i want to get out from this situation so badly. but i have nowhere to go. that's why i'm being dramatic right now. let this stupid crap feeling of mine out by typing this stupid lousy post. i don't know what to do, and that's it. END OF STORY ! GOODBYE AND HAVE A NICE DAY !

Love

2011-12-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

to be honest, i'm little depressed right now and things are not going well like the way i imagine it will. i thought everything we'll be just okay but i guess that's why people said that "we human can only plan, but Allah that will determine and arrange everything whether things will go smoothly like we planned or not". to put up with everything is just hard. i don't know what to do to fix things or even to make things better. i don't have the power. i feel useless and i don't know how describe this feeling. i am just afraid to talk and to ask. all i can do is to listen, hear and act. love, ya it's hard to find and in order to find one and have one, we people need to know how to tolerate, how to give love instead of just getting it, how to understand, how to trust and more importantly how to have a self-control. to love someone is easy but to maintain it and more importantly to be loved back. well, that's hard. i'm not a love expert. but i have live my life as a human for 17 years now and trust me i have witnessed a lot of both happy and sad love story. life is like a road, there'll be a time where we enjoy the straight long journey happily, but there'll be time we have to face the bumpy and jumpy road. those who just can't handle the problems might ended up doing things that they shouldn't do and some just know how to deal with it. the same road philosophy should be applied in love. for those who knows how to deal and make use of love, then they'll be loved. for those who don't well maybe they just need to learn how to give instead to just receive. love doesn't work if only one side are making an effort to put up with the whole crap the other's are doing. love is about mutual responsibility. do you want to know how easy a 25 years old relationship can wreck up in the blink of an eye ? stop loving, stop caring, stop understanding and stop whatever positive things you've been doing for the 25 years. to build up a relationship is so hard. it's like you're building a big tall tower. but, to crush and wreck everything is so easy. you messed up once then the next 5 minutes it's over. as simple as that. seriously, to the innocent girls out there, don't be fooled by the idea of love. be realistic, explore life more then you'll learn how to differentiate between love and lies. well, if you manage to find one don't stop worrying cause people only love us when we are healthy like now once you're sick that's when you can test whether they really love you or not. i love you has 8 letters in it but so does BULLSHIT !

Ombak Rindu, I'm Loving It

2011-12-07T02:49:00.000-08:00

went to watch ombak rindu my girls yesterday, and of course it was great. i was totally mesmerized with Aaron Aziz. he's indeed really great with he's doing right now. i just can't hate him no matter he did to Maya Karin, all i can see the innocent looks in his face. if i were in his wife's shoes i'll be deadly jealous although i'm pretty sure that he'll be more romantic towards his wife. you might be thinking that Lisa's character may seems bad. but as for me, Mila (Lisa Surihani) just too innocent and fooled by the idea of love. she loves Harris (Aaron Aziz) and she wants to be Harris' one and only so called bride. i just want to say that i am seriously madly deeply and truly in love with this movie. i keep imagining that one day there'll be someone who loves me as much as Harris love Izah (Maya Karin). i'll be praying starting from now to get someone who'll be shedding tears for me as a proof of his love. well, it'll be a bonus if he's good-looking-sexy-guy like Aaron Aziz. two thumbs up for Ombak Rindu !

Mother Knows Best

2011-12-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

i'll be lying if i said that i never find my mother annoying even just for a second in my life. there'll always be a time where you argue with what your mom said and you thought you're right but in the end she's always right. as for me, i always stuck in a position where i had to admit my defeat nodding my head up and down saying "fine, you win mom !". she always right even though when she's wrong. it's like a curse or maybe she's just a fortune teller who can predict or maybe she can even see the future. that's why she's always right. my first brother always ended up hurting himself or failing miserably if he tried to argue with my mom's always right attitude. the newest piece of advice that i get from my mom which i feel i need to share are :

- try to do things with yourself, stand up alone. be independent don't wait for your friends. it might be fun if you do it together. but if something goes wrong and he/she didn't get the chance to join what you're doing, you will either end up keep moving forward alone by yourself or maybe you'll just quit in the middle of the things you're doing. you choose -

as my high school's life has going to an end. college's life is waiting. trust me guys you'll be alone later. you have to start all back like in the kinder garden. making new friends, trying to co-op with the new environment, and getting use doing thing by yourself without your family and friends. well, i am actually writing this for myself since i'm always depending on both my parents and brothers. so, this post is also dedicated to me myself. we will never know what will happen in the future. and we will never be stronger until we find the way how to stand, walk and even running with our two foots. the new chapter of my life has finally started, now i am slowly crawling trying to change my timid and my always depending on people attitude. best of luck to both my readers and I !

NOTE : there might be some improvising to what my mother's said to make it more dramatic and suitable for the reader. LOL

Seriously What's Your Motive ?

2011-12-03T09:46:00.001-08:00

no wonder there's huge difference between the real you and the you in the picture. i hope everything you said, told, shared and everything are not fake. i am seriously madly deeply and deadly want to know the reason behind all this lie. i thank one of you because finally come forward to tell the truth. but i still didn't get it. what the hell wrong with just being you guys. i thought i know you guys. but, i don't. this is disappointing. i know you'll probably read\ this. so yeah, have fun with your life and best of luck. GOODBYE !

True Friends

2011-12-01T18:17:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a hectic day for me. woke up early as usual and sent my big bro to work. he'll be staying at PD for several days and i'm left alone with my mom. but its kinda great because there's only me and my mom. i had to sent back the SPBT book to school and back home again then out again to sign up for my driving lesson's class. to be honest, everything were great yesterday. until Farah Aliah texted me telling me to check up for the stupid PLKN placement. well, i didn't get the first batch. i got to extend my holiday. but that's mean i need to go to PLKN later after that. seriously SH*T ! i've been busy shopping and spending my time with my mom. we even when to Nagoya Textile and seriously you are not gonna believe how insanely my mom and I talking about wedding and girls' stuff. LOL. she even asked me to choose which kain for my wedding dress later. well, that is basically everything about the best thing that happened yesterday.

i don't actually like talking on the phone. but lately, since i've change from maxis to umobile and umobile kept giving me free calls everytime i sign up for the mobile internet. so, why the hell not develop my phone talking skills, right ? i've been busy calling my friends asking about the stupid PLKN and to my disappointment that stupid PLKN had make one of my most dearest friend cried her heart out. i'm not good on comforting people and the random stuff i'd said to her seems like useless. i can't do anything to make her feel better. i know how she felt. i've put myself in her shoes and seriously it is hard. the only thing i can do right now is just to pray for her. so, that Allah gonna give her the spirit that she need. i'm dying wanting the positive side of her sparkled again.

-friends come and go, but true friends stay. that's how you determine which one are fake and not. a true friend might not be able to comfort you when you're at your worst but they are always there beside you, ready to catch you when your fall. they are always there when you need someone to understand you-

Hello and Goodbye

2011-12-01T01:14:00.000-08:00

30th November the date i've been waiting for. but now the date had come to my life, i kinda feel empty and lonely now. knowing the fact that i am no longer a high school student. i can never wear my school uniform and walking proudly to school anymore. i used to hate keep coming in and out from school but now i kinda miss spending time there with friends and teachers. i manage to hold back my tears but that doesn't mind i am not sad. yesterday, come by surprise. i am happy to say goodbye to the exams' papers but my heart somehow hate saying goodbye to my school and more importantly my friends. i'm gonna miss them. enough said.

-when one story end, another story begins-

I Shall Value My Time More in The Future

2011-11-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

its 4.15 am in the morning and its already the 3rd November. i am restless and i can't help freaking out about the upcoming SPM. instead of trying to read something out, i just sitting in my room staring at the clock thinking that i have doesn't have much time left. i want the miracle of PMR straight A's came straight right back to me but i didn't have to courage to say that in SPM i'll be just fine with the last minute study. i fear the fact that i might i disappoint myself and more importantly my parents. i burst into tears when i woke up just now. barely know anything and if i must compare myself to my friends. i'm nothing, like seriously nothing ;( i'm afraid that i might i do something that make my whole world turn out dark later. i want this to memorable and i don't want to get a hideous marks like used to. if one day when i got married, even though i have to be a house wife i wanna be a proud house wife that used to get a brilliant Gred in SPM. the end of what i feel, now i shall start study and try to change my results.

Remember, no matter how many days are left, or even hours, you can still change the outcome until the moment you pass up your paper.

The Great Feeling of Having a Family ~Episode 4, Dear Abang eJat~

2011-10-08T23:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Abang eJat,
You know i told a lot of things to you, from my stories to my friends. seriously, all sorts of things. oyu've never fail to make me feel i'm the luckiest sister in the world. i know you are like us *Abang Boy and I*. you don't play the game like we did, it's not like you never told anything to us, it's just you barely did. it's hard to see you share something, you only share it to someone so called Yang Adlina en ? haha. well, let me get this straight i just want to thank you for basically everything. from the moment i was born to be you little sis until the moment i close my eyes in peace, i sincerely than you ;) for all the sacrifices and all the the things i've make you do. haha. i thank you. one advice, learn to share and open up your heart please. terasa unfair pulak when Abang Boy and I to all the sharing. oh yeah, i really that Kak Yang and you are together forever. don't cheat or lie, because if that happen i don't know i'll be taking which sides. okay dah bye, end of family speech.

-daripada satu satunya adik Aizat Syamin bin Asri-

having a great family is indeed the greatest gift of all. that's why people said blood is thicker than water huh? hmmm, i just want to say i love you all. from papa to mama to Abang Boy and to Abang Jat. Bonus, Kak Ngah and Kak Yang. love you guys. you never fail to rock my world ;)

The Great Feeling of Having a Family ~Episode 3, Dear Abang Boy~

2011-10-05T04:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Abang Boy,
i don't want and never want to compare you with Abang Jat because both of you have you your own specialities and field of expertise. you're indeed the most great secret keeper although you lack of reaction when being a listener, i think you have most of papa's genes in your body compare to Abang Jat and I, you always give in and never really asked anything for the sake of us, spending money for your adik adik is your greatest talents. i don't want to say anything about your temper and your insincere laugh, and believe me i don't want to comment on your styles right here. LOL. all i know you love your adik adik ;) you once said that, no matter how i score in my exams, you don't care because you always proud of your lil brother and sister, don't care what we do we always have your proud ;o you make me cried that time. i love you, but i really hope you get yourself a girlfriend now, you are old enough to get married, even fifie already become a daddy tau ! be confident abang and take your license. stop being kabot and be brave plus throw away your negative thinking. GO GO GO ! i love you abang boy ;* hugs and kisses ;)

-daripada satu satunya adik perempuan Aimi Syazni bin Asri-

The Great Feeling of Having a Family ~Episode 2, Dear Mama~

2011-10-03T08:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Mama,
although there's time where i found you sort of difference when you are around people or to be honest annoying sometimes, but you have always been there for me. we never really fought but you always ended up berkecil hati dengan my jokes or my honest words. i guess i am your daughter, because you raised me up and teach me to be honest with what i feel but things doesn't seem to be that great when i'm trying to be honest. you are always kecil hati dengan jokes anak anak untill i don't know how to joke your way. i know you're not a good secret keeper but there's something inside you mama that make me want to throw out everything inside my heart in front of you sometimes. i know i'll be so damn unsatisfied when i know you told almost the whole people that shouldn't the know that secrets but i guess i just never learned from my mistakes. mama, you are always there for me, listening to my crap, buying things that i want, made my dreams come true, hearing my childish thought, talking about boys and husband. if i must list all the good quality in you mama, i'm sure i can never stop writing. there's so much thing that you've done for me. my mama number 1 problem is she can't see her children want something, although she doesn't really have money in her pocket she's still buy it for them. my mama is the type where 'mulut cakap lain, hati cakap lain' and she's the type where she'll be so damn silence/stop talking when she's angry. she's very emotional, easy to misinterpret what we says, cannot tahan sakit even an injection *trust me, she'll scream like hell*, the queen of changing stories and making people look bad. last years we had this stupid silence argument and only Allah know how i feels. everyday i feel like dying and running away. we ended up not talking to each other for months. IDIOT ! ended up, mama mengalah and weeping. LOL. both of us ended crying actually. you're indeed the funniest mama ! there's no replace for you and i am not giving you to anyone even to Kak Ngah or Kak Yang ! kesah ? there's this another sad story of me when i was still in mama's tummy i almost dibuang. mama said she's bleeding too much at that time and the doctor said that i might ended up born as a handicapped. so, mama said she doesn't want anything bad happen to me and make a decision to buang me. papa even passed out upon hearing it. luckily, i was born with healthy physical and mental. you've no idea how hard i cried myself to sleep that night you told the story. i do feel like you didn't want me. but when i think about it again, you make that decision for my own future you don't want me to see me suffering. i thank Allah for giving the chance to able to feel the love from my family and i thank my mama for saying always saying when i feel like unwanted "mana boleh mama tak sayang awak, awaklah satu satunya anak perempuan mama dalam dunia ini". i know you didn't know how to even start up the computer and you probably won't read this. but i don't care, i still want to say that you're the best, sporting, greatest, nicest and all the nice words mom in the world. i don't want a replacement. that's why i always begging to Allah to tinggikan kesabaran saya bila saya rasa marah dengan perangai mama. Mama, I LOVE YOU ! Iqa sayang mama sampai bila bila

-daripada satu satunya anak perempuan Sadiah binti Mohamed-

The Great Feeling of Having a Family ~Episode 1, Dear Papa~

2011-10-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

it's been ages since my last update, now syawal has ended, the bloody trial had ended too. so, here i am updating my blog after i let myself fainted counting the days to SPM, i realize that i really miss blogging, like seriously a lot. i once said that comparing myself with the others is like insulting myself but i just realized if i compare myself with the others, i should be comfortable and satisfied. yes, i don't have what they have, but i'm pretty sure that they didn't have what i have too. the bestest gift that Allah had gave me is my family, and i shall thank Allah for the rest of my life. thank you Allah for giving the best mama, papa, brothers and the bonus of having kakaks and adiks ;) i know i'm too timid and couldn't really live my life without you guys. i'll try to fix it for a better future. i know you guys might wouldn't read this but screw that, i still want to say what i want to say :

Dear Papa,
i know i couldn't express my feelings well towards you, but that doesn't mean i love you less that mama. i still remember that when i was a kid i used to be papa's little girl. you always bring me to your office on the weekend, gave me a ride on your motorcycle after you got back from work, bring me to your friends' open houses and stuff. i cried like seriously a lot when i got to know you'll exchange to PD. that was when things change. because you're not around that much anymore and i slowly grown to get used to it. on last two years chinese years, you said something that make me cried. it was at Uncle Foo Lock's house, in front of your friends you said that there was times when you tried to pampered us and tried to get along with us by buying things for us, but the three of us always ended up asked mama first. you said they always search for their mama first in every single things. i didn't burst to tears upon hearing that because i couldn't cry in front of all the people. but trust me papa, inside of me, i was crying like hell. i can feel that miss the old us, i know you want your children to hang out with you more and talk to you more but you just couldn't say it. your little baby here understand it all papa. mama once told me that you're jealous with mama because all of us are closed with mama. papa, no matter what people said about you, about how un-social, how bad, or how what-ever-they-want-to-say deep down inside my heart you always have been the greatest dad in my whole life. thank you for raising us up, providing us everything that we need and want, thank you for always think about us first instead of yourself. i know you always give in for us, although you are a stingy person but you never let us down. you never 'berkira dengan kami', 'tapi dengan diri sendiri nak beli selipar pon fikir 10 kali'. papa, you've done sacrifice so much things for us, in order to 'menyara keluarga kita, papa sanggup berkorban, bila mama dah fed up setiap lima tahun asyik pindah rumah papa amek keputusan untuk ulang alik tiap tiap minggu dari PD dan sekarang Johor untuk jumpa kami'. when i think about all the things you'd gave, done and sacrifice, you're indeed the world greatest dad. each words of wisdom you'd said to me, i still remember it up till now. UPSR and PMR dulu i manage buat papa bangga tapi SPM saya tak berani janji. i'm sorry if iqa akan hampakan papa. papa, i LOVE YOU, sayang gila gila dekat papa !

-dari satu satunya anak perempuan Asri bin Abdul Manaf-

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri ;)

2011-08-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

*boomboombangbangpangpang* <<< this was supposed to be the sound meriam buluh or mercun. LOL. well, basically today I just wanna wish every each one of you who is reading and might not reading a Hari Raya ! well i'm here to dedicate my not so short and good raya's dedication to you and you. yes, you ! i am also posting this post for officially apologize to each one of you and officially thank you guys :) although i don't really understand why most people related Hari Raya with forgiving and time for seeking for forgiveness. but, it's been part of our tradition so, let's just move on with this instead of talking about this lame facts. *ehemehemclearingthroats* with a very boring body posture in front of the laptop, with an almost closed eyes, and with a very excited heart i am here to announce that you are Husband and Wife. okay dah bye ! LOL. okay, now serious ! *____* my formal speech berbunyi begini :

"sempena Syawal iaitu bulan suci lagi murni, saya menyusun 20 jari termasuk jari kaki memohon maaf kepada semua yang telah saya sakiti, marahi, meng-annoyedkan, maki-i, dan seangkatan dengannya. kepada siapa - siapa yang selalu terasa dengan mulut i yang tak pernah ada insurans yang nak cover ni, silalah maafkan. saya tahu saya amat sarcastic dan laser yaw ! minta maaf ! dah habit dari Form 3. haha. ingin juga memohon maaf kalau siapa yang selalu fed up dengan perangai saya yang agak keterlaluan dan . . . . . . *sampai tiada kata meng-describe-kannya* kepada sesiapa yang telah aku kutuki itu haraplah maafkan. sebab saya nak masuk syurga. LOL. terima kasih tidak terhingga kepada sesiapa yang telah banyak berkorban, bersabar, dan ber-yang-lain-lain lagi demi saya. korang memang hebat ! paling penting, halalkan ilmu, makan, minum, ubat pensel, pemadam, ink pen, dan apa apa yang boleh dihalalkan. tolonglah ! saya adalah insan yang berlumur dengan dosa, kalau awak tak maafkan macam mana ;( *dramatic sebentar* lastly, just stay cool and calm. collect a lot of duit raya while you can and have a blast Hari Raya no matter you are a Muslim or not. keep the peace ! Salam ingatan tulus ikhlas, selamat hari raya aidilfitri maaf zahir dan batin !"

dedikasi khas : MamaPapaAbangboyAbangjatKakyang

AweArwahatukNenek

MaklongPaklongGegirlDebFifieIwam

UdeMakudeSyakilaSyarinaSyahrulSuhailaSuzanaShidaWanAni

AtehPaktehYaKakngahAjimAdikNabilNisha

BusuCapiqKillyJela

AuntieMaksuPaktehPakngahPaklang
TykaFaraBat
RaiZaraZulaikhaMesir
5BestariansTheqamisyanitieraEx6gigihCikgucikgu

A Very Tiring Yet Great Day

2011-08-18T03:46:00.000-07:00

went out with my Qamisyanitiera's girls yesterday and it was superb and now i'm broke. LOL. we went shopping, buy some stuff for Raya. Ama couldn't make it though. i miss her so much. we can't stop walking and walking especially Wani and I. went to Ampang Park to meet her sister and back to KLCC and then walked to Pavvy then BB and TS. After that, the three of us walked back to Pavvy for iftar. had Charlse Jr. for berbuka and it was super good but so expensive. now, i know there's always a sweetness behind the pain. well, in the case there's always a sweetness of friendship behind the pain on my feet. i don't know what i'm typing anyway. sorry for the horrible language. i'm just too dumb right now. -___-'

A Very Lame Joke

2011-08-15T09:16:00.000-07:00

i don't know why i'm posting this lame joke that happen probably i just want to share a very funny mistake made by a friend of mine that his name would not be mention here. i know you are going to read this so, don't kill me !
*blue's clues : blue is me, chocolate is the one who made me laugh, pink and green is the not-so-annoying back up actors. words in bracket and black are my own comments about the situation. LOL* the conversations between four idiots who are sleepy but refuse to give up and hit the sack first begins now :

siapa suka ice-cream BR kat sini ? mind telling me which one do you like the most ?
i'm not a big fan of sweets and anything has to do with sugar. it kills me.
oh, pick me ! pick me ! pick me ! (ingat ni pop quiz ke?). mine is golden medal ribbon (tahu pulak aku nama ice-cream BR. next after that, google-ing !)
chocolate or chocolate chip for me. website BR said there's no sugar added, so boleh kurangkan risiko mati kerana diabetes
mine is any ice - cream that had to do with caramel. ice - cream sundae caramel dekat BK sedap ! i like and currently craving for it (siapa nak belikan ?)
sangat bersetuju. golden medal ribbon tu pon ada caramel.
caramel terbaik !
hantu caramel gila korang ni.
huh, what are you guys talking about ? mana awak rasa daging camel iqa ? (ROFL)
atas ice - cream. tak tahu ke ada produk ice - cream camel baru kat pasaran ? *sarcastically*
tak jumpa pon kat website BR
great ! an idiot with a lame jokes !

dear MR who his name will not be mention here, please stop being so blur and have a clearer mind :) you rock my laughing box though :)

I'm Worried

2011-08-14T05:29:00.000-07:00

i have a lot of things to worry about and somehow i don't know what to. i can feel the pressure and the heat. it feels like everything in the world are looking at me waiting for either to fall or to succeed in my life. with all the SPM's things going on i became scared and i know time is running out. instead of writing this stupid i know it's better for me to just keep focus on things that should be my first priority. but i could not help myself from sharing this weird feelings of mine with people who are loyal reading this blog. these are things that kept messing with my mind lately :

1) SPM

2) life after SPM

3) my health. for some reason, i have lost my appetite and i don't know why ? i'm not sick, but things that goes in my mouth become lesser these days and my body become thinner lately.

4) my eyesight become blurry lately and sometimes i can't see a thing.

5) i know i don't like talking about death but i kept thinking about it and trust me it scared the hell outta me.

for those who are reading this, any advice ?

Insulting Myself

2011-08-10T05:24:00.000-07:00

There's a quotes saying that, "if you compare yourself with anyone in this world, then you're insulting yourself." i don't know where i read the quotes but yes it does exist. probably now i'm insulting myself because i can't help compare myself with someone else and that feeling sucks. there's like less than 3 weeks i guess for SPM's trial and i don't think i'm a cell ready for the exam. compared to my friends i guess, they are 70% ready to bring that stupid trial exams down. i'm scared when i thought my dark and unclear future and things that i can do to change it seems like impossible to reach or do. i want to score and get straight A's in my SPM like i did in my past so-called-important-exams, but this time i think it is almost impossible. i'm literally dying facing this hectic study schedule of mine. well, to be honest i don't know how it feels like when i go to the next chapter of my life next year. i'm sure life at universities gonna be two times hectic than now. next, come the working chapter of my life and yes of course huge responsibilities right after that which is marriage. since, i'm the type that think almost about everything, i'm scared and i feel lonely facing all through this things although i know all my friends are facing the same shits -__-'

50 Random Facts about Atiqah Syairah

2011-08-06T22:33:00.000-07:00

i love my family very much, like seriously a lot ! i could give up everything for them. they are always my first priority.
i don't really have a bestfriends, but once i have one i really love them and once they broke my heart, then it's over between us. that is how serious i am.
i have a very strong memories and i can remember almost everything even about the tiniest memory that most people forget. i'm proud because i still remember most of my childhood memories even when im about 2 years old.
strangers think i'm quiet and arrogant, sometimes poyo. but my friends thinks i'm loud and insane. they said i'm a talkactive and i can talk all day long.
i have a very frank personality, i have a super-duper-laser's mouth. so, if you think i have no reason to respect you, please don't make things that annoys me.
i love kids :) and i'm childish. but, i don't like kids who are so gedik and i prefer a very active kid.
i hate vegetables ! and i can count how many types of vegetables that i eat/like.
i love to day dreaming like seriously a lot. i have a very imaginative mind and i have imagine almost every possible situations. LOL.
i hate talking about deaths or things that involving farewell or goodbye.
i cry a lot, almost about every single things sometimes. only people who are close to me knows about this. i even cried watching spongebob and upin & ipin.
i get annoyed really super-duper-fast especially with people who are not so close to me.
i hate people that really like having a narrow mind and people who like to wear thousands of mask ! don't be hypocrite, please !
i'm a stalker ! when i like someone i really like to stalk them in silence of course. i want to know and see almost everything they are doing. only i know who i like to stalk.
i got jealous easily when i watched a blissful couple especially when i know them. after watching them, i dream about my own future. okay dah bye !
i like BMW and Audi car. and i don't really like Mercedes.
I Love KOREA ! i enjoy listening, watching, hearing, talking and almost everything about Korea ! but Malaysia is still no.1 !
i hate people who doesn't know how to respect other people privacy and personal space and people who don't know how to reflects theirself ! do i need to teach you how to use a mirror ?
i love peace ! world peace and everything in peace !
i love to eat chocolate but i can't, because i will get diarrhea once i eat them.
i have sinus ! and i can sneeze easily especially when its too cold, too hot or too dusty.
i am so loyal like a puppy ! be my boyfriend and then i'll prove it to you. LOL.
i love to sing and dance when i'm alone in my room and sometimes in the toilet. LOL. okay awkward !
i'm proud of my eyes and eyelashes. *blinkblink*
i like to learn languages, so far i can speak Malay, English, Korean, some Japanese and some Chinese. wait till SPM's over then, i'm going to enhance it all !
i like to learn things that does not involving things that we've studied in school. like learning language, music, photography and design !
i like gadgets ! from mobile phone to highly tech gadgets.
my ideal type boy = tall, loyal, trusted, and only looks at me when i'm around. tamak tak ? LOL
i like to do things last minute, a very bad personality of me ! SPM la !
i want to wear clothes, bag, high heels and accessories that korean actress are wearing but i can't ! because i don't know where to get it and i can't wear high heels because i will walk like a robot if i did.
i like to take pictures ! edit it and keep them. i really hate people who pressing the delete button when looking all the pictures that i've took ! for me, every single picture has their very own memory !
i never miss a day not wearing a ring that my father and mother gave me. although, its a purely platinum but now it looks like a fake ring since i wore it too often.
i'm not satisfied with my thighs and ass ! okay dah bye !
i like to wear watch and this two bracelet which is super junior's hand band and the bracelet that my cousin Nurliyana Nasriq nad I bought at Cameron Highlands.
i treasure almost everything that i think is memorable. letters, receipt, cinema's ticket, ice-cream spoon and etc.
i'm easily touched and satisfied. it is because i know how to appreciate people's effort. i look for sincerity not wealth !
i never have a proper boyfriend. my past boyfriend doesn't count as one because i never felt anything for him. so, the very next time i'm in a relationship is gonna be the first one. innocent tak ? LOL.
only my two brothers can really fool me. i can't be fool easily.
i like cute things instead of things that look pretty and mature.
i like animals but i don't like how they smell when . . . you know when.
i hate make ups !
i like to cook but my mama never let me use her kitchen, then she will tell other people how lazy i am and how i never help her. padahal, dia yang kata saya menyemak dan mengganggu.
i like it when my brothers told me to cook something for them.
i can never work on my room if the condition is equal to not orderly arranged and i like to arrange them back together
when i have problems or something happen to me i can never forget about it in a blink of an eye. i will think about it until i feel satisfied or the things has been settled.
when i'm angry or mad about something, don't talk to me. just leave me alone and don't asks me questions. it annoys me a lot. just give me some times. because times help me fix almost everything.
when people apologize and said they are sorry about something. i do forgive them but i'm not the type that forgive and forget. i will remember it so then the next time i will never be fooled again.
when someone merajuk because of me, i only pujuk some of them. the one that is important to me only.
i hate hearing people compliment sometimes because sometimes i fell that they want to say how different we are. i hate people comparing themself with someone else. look here babe, everyone has their own good points and bad points make sure you know how to find your own light that hidden inside of you.
i'm a good listener and good secret-keeper. *perasan !* i gamble a lot when i told my stories to the people i didn't trust because i know they're not a great secret-keeper like i do. haha.
it is hard to earn my trust, so my advice once you've earn it don't make things that makes me lost faith on you ! dan saya jadi pekak dan imaginative writer once i sumbatkan teling i dengan earphone saya. tiba - tiba tak semena - mena !

the last random things is >>>>> google translate helps me a lot on typing this whole stupid post of mine. haha. okay dah bye ! toodles ! i've done my random things, mind telling me yours ?

Dear Farah Izzati,,,

2011-08-03T00:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Fara, you know I love both of you ! earlier today, you and tyka read my essay regarding my best pal and i wrote about Tyka instead of you. for some reason, i can feel the guilt and it is killing me. i just want you to know you mean a lot to me too. if i had to choose between you and tyka, hmm i would probably ended up hanging myself. i met tyka first and for some reason writing essay about tyka's story is a lot easier. you know how we become close, right ? remember, biology's test, last year ? haha. you don't expect me to actually to write about that to Teacher Linda, right ? haha. she will definitely had a very bad impression of me if i do that. anyway, i just want to say that choosing one of you guys are like asking me to choose my mama or my papa, or like asking me to choose Abang Boy or Abang Jat. i hope you are not kecil hati with me writing about Tyka. thank you for always listening to almost everything i talk for the past few years, i really appreciate it ! i'm sorry for being the most annoying and too-much talking friends ! you read what what i wrote on my essays right all the things wrote to tyka well, back to you, sweetheart ! love you guys ! both of you mean the world to me :) okay, maybe not the world, family is still my first priority ! LOL.

Narrow-Minded People

2011-08-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

probably most of guys already know what narrow minded meant. so, i'm not going to post what narrow-minded definition here. well lately, i bumped to tons of people who are so narrow-minded. like seriously narrow-minded, narrower than my class corridor drain. shame on you guys ! i don't know why you guys suffer the judgemental disease. most of this happen when Marlena came to our school. what had she done wrong until you need to fill your fb's wall with all the negative post about her. are you guys an anti's or something ? find something better to do, please ! bulan ramadhan ni kot ! malulah sikit Marlena pon puasa jugak, tapi dia tak lah mengutuk macam korang ! well, that's what you guys problems are, you never put yourself in her situation. let me ask you one thing, how its feels like if you are the one who transfer to another country and people there treat you guys the same way you treat her ? how does it feels ? stop being immature and get a life, guys ! oh ya, by the way she already know about all this childish act of you guys and i bet you guys had left a very memorable scars and GREAT impression of Malaysia in her heart. some of guys maybe fills your heart up with jealousy so, your brain can't functioning really well i guess. kitaorang jakun ? so ? memang sebelum tak de mat salleh pernah datang belajar kat sekolah kita pon, kan ? so, salah kalau aku jakun ? stop being a judgemental cow *bak kata tyka* oh, wait ! i think you are far more worse than a cow, a cow never judge people like you did. they are too busy eating grass. mesti cita - cita korang nak jadi judge kat mahkamah, kan ? i'm proud to announce that i'm on Marlena's sides !

The Ramadhan Feast

2011-07-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

well, i totally had fun today and i also get a very memboyot stomach today ! a day before today which is yesterday Tyka, Fara and I had this brilliant idea on making food for today feast. so, we went straight to Giant after school and start cooking at Fara's afterwards. we made kek batik and sardines for sandwiches' fillings. it was my first time to enjoy cooking like that. they're awesome :) thanks Fara for lending your kitchens ! woke up at 3am to watch last episode of city hunter, it was sad and happy. okay, the end -__- 3.30 - 4.45 is the time where i'm busy making the sandwiches with care and love. mama did help but at that time, i already three-quarters away to finish. anyway, thank you mama ! it was a very very melodramatic morning because it was raining a lot ! when the bell rings for recess everyone was totally excited. we ate, laughed, ate again, photo-taking, ate again, talked, laughed again and goofing around a lot today. there's tons of images and i'm too lazy to upload it ! sorry -__-' i'm pretty sure that i'm going to miss you guys ;) starting from the first name in the class' register until the very end of it. i hope we still gonna be friends and have time laugh about silly things after we sayonara the school this year. i got teary and emotional when talking about this although i'm not really a big fan of going to school ! haha. i'm proud that my kek batik and sandwiches licin tadi. i'm also proud of myself when Mama and Abang Jat said they like my kek batik more that hanis'. oh and yeah , SELAMAT BERPUASA or HAPPY FASTING !

The Definiton of Hypocrite

2011-07-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

if don't know what is the meaning of hypocrite, well let me help you - hypocrite is a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc. that he or she does not actually possess, especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs or should we say a fickler, someone who enjoys faking something. well, i'm not going to talk about someone else here, since i do a lot of changing personalities with this so special someone who adore being in the center of public. well, simple conclusion i don't get you, and you don't get me either. we both stuck in a very awkward place. i don't want to be hypocrite. now, would you mind helping me by stay away from my life. okay, maybe not away from my life. would you mind stop being annoying ? oh by the way , this is what i found from my life dictionary people who depend a lot from other people usually end up being alone. people who talks rubbish always wasting their time regretting things. people who is so desperate of attention always end up being annoying. and for people who lack of love, its they fault who doesn't know how to find one. and i like this one, if you are some of the people who "terasa pedas" reading this post, then maybe you're the one who always end up "termakan cili" or "awaklah tuan punya diri yang saya cakap" don't ask me who i'm writing to, i won't tell ! i want to taste my extra-spicy-blog-post. sedap ?

An Hour and A Half With Miss Web

2011-07-26T23:15:00.000-07:00

Marlena Webb or Miss Web is a exchange student from America who came to our school learn things starting from our language to our culture for a year. she's 18 and trust me she looks older than that. she looks like she's in mid of 20s. she's cute, nice and talkative. she loves to smile and i like it :) My classmates and I spent an hour and a half time with her today. she sat next to Farihin and she seems lonely. there was an awkward 5 seconds moment between me and her when our eyes met each other. everybody started to surround her and Syz and Izzat do all the talking. she told about how felt living here in Malaysia, how enjoys Malaysian's foods, she responds to everything we asked. the funniest part is when she talked about how fast Malaysian's drivers drive. LOL.oh yeah, speak Spanish fluently and she had been to India before. she like it there and she said she like it here too. she said today was the first time people surrounds her so, she feels so excited (lihatlah betapa jakunnya kami). when Abbas told her that her Malays sounds okay she said "jangan tipu ya !" and everybody started to laugh. she said Malaysians has this one habit calling people by "wei !" and she said in Spanish they did that too. she did say that people from 4A treated her coldly. not coldly actually they didn't even talked to her. probably they just shy maybe ? Izzat told her to call him Prince since his name is Putera Izzat. Marlina was shocked by the statement but after we explain that Putera means Prince is Malay she smiled. sadly, our one period ended with goodbye and shaking each other hands. i'm looking forward for next Wednesday. hopefully, she will have more fun :)

What I Really Want . . .

2011-07-21T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of things that I want in my life and one of them is marrying the one that I love. for some reasons, i've been thinking a lot about my future lately. i got scared when i thought about how blurry my future are. there's too many things that fear me. my friends and I had been talking a lot about partner lately. we are so determined to find a great guy when we got into college later. what i want in a guy is just a man who can guide me, help me and have faith in me. it's true that most people said that money cannot buy anything but have you ever thought that without money how can you feed yourself. is it love alone can avoid from starving to death. no, yes ? wealth is not what i want, i'm not looking for a guy with a thick wallet. all i want to say is people who said they can live their life with only love in it, is truly wrong. wake up ! we are all humans, each person has their own limit and time. they will explode when things didn't work the way they want it. i don't know what the hell i'm blabbering about. toodles !

Running Out of Time !

2011-07-18T02:14:00.000-07:00

i'm running out of time and seriously i can feel the heat of SPM. i got my test's papers today and i seriously don't even to look at it. lucky me i didn't took the Biology's and Bahasa Melayu's test. it will be a lot more worst if i did. we have the Literature's presentation today and i was 0% mentally and physically prepared for it. i don't know what so good about the brain storming until my teacher compliment it ? i stuttered a lot and i didn't even know what the hell am i talking about. Tyka and Fara do all the talking and mine was answer in Malay and let Tyka translate it. how goo is that, huh ? frankly speaking i am totally and really jealous of my twinnie dear Atikah Aliah. her English is so good until i want to carry her around and make her as my little dictionary. she checked my essay today and i have like 5 to 7 errors in a paragraph. what the heck was that ? i don't know how can i catch with all my heart. i can feel the sudden pressure and i seriously didn't like the idea of SPM. okay, enough with this silly talking of mine. bye ! i am so determined to be a good student and more importantly to be a good child. i want to make my parents proud of me once again !

What I Feel . . .

2011-07-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

My friends and I went to McDonald yesterday for study session. obviously, i am not happy with the fact that 0% ready for SPM. compared to them, i am totally know nothing. i can't even do the basic questions and the meaning of the symbols of additional mathematics. i can see how different i am. serve me right ! even my english nowadays are getting worse and worse. reading Atikah Aliah's blog really made me choke. each time i read it my head were thinking, how the heck can i write like her ? what i am typing now, i seriously don't know whether my grammar are correct or wrong. i know i have time to improve, but i don't think 123 days are enough for it. we talked about the damn PLKN at McD and all i can just keep quiet while they're debating about it. i kept silence doesn't mean i like the fact that i am going there. i kept quiet because i know there's nothing can change the fact that i am going to be there. got it ? it's better to keep a positive mind than complaining about it and for those who didn't got it, be grateful !

Proud !

2011-07-16T05:44:00.000-07:00

Being proud of something is not always a bad thing. it's a good thing and it can teach how to be grateful next. but, i don't get what some people think ? i just finish watched Malaysia vs Liverpool and somehow i am not satisfied looking at some of them wearing Liverpool's jersey. it's not some of them, most of them did so. when Malaysia's scored a goal you cheered and when Liverpool scored you did a same thing. even my dad asked whether they are playing in Bukit Jalil or Liverpool's place in a very sarcastic way. come on guys, opened up your eyes and look around are you ashame to be Malaysian ? there are hell lots of people out there dying to be in our place.

(P/S : i'm typing in english not because i'm not proud of my language it's because i want to improve)

A Fact That Hard to Digest

2011-07-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

11th July 2011, Monday

Today was fine. It was my beloved Siti Zaharah's birthday and she seems happy as normal. got back from school with a headache but Abang Jat want to go to Bukit Bintang to repair his laptop. i did go with Abang Jat and Abang Boy. i spent a lot today, like seriously a lot. oh yeah, at last i got to taste the ice blended caramel. bought some stuff and went straight to Jaya Jusco Wangsa Maju. Mama, Abang Boy, Abang Jat and I talked and laugh a lot while eating dinner. i can feel how different it would be when Abang Boy are no longer around. i know it's for like two months but still i can feel the emptiness like the first time Abang Jat's going to Arau, Perlis. tomorrow i really hope that everything gonna be just fine and there would not be any sad scenes.

12th July 2011, Tuesday

I barely slept last night and yet i still have to wake up early. i slept around 2am and wake up again around 3am and i've been waiting for the stupid PLKN's website to function for hours. but, i just wasted my freaking time waiting for it. i went to sleep back around 4.30 and had to wake up again at 5.45. shower up and get ready to go to Melaka. i sent the PLKN SEMAK again for the 7th time that morning. on the way to Melaka like 2km away from my home i got the answer. Congratulations to me ! i got to spent my precious time at PLKN for 3 months ! i knew i will get it and don't want to think about it. after succeed on not crying when sending Abang Boy the three of us went to Zoo Melaka and it was great. but, i think the zoo really need to give more attention to the animals. they are seriously starving and they ate weird things. they are no green grass for the cow, deer and goat to eat. went to Chemistry Class and it was fun

13th July 2011, Wednesday

Nice ! chemistry's test was seriously -__-' and sejarah was like whatever since i don't really have time to revise and read. Thanks to Siti Zaharah at least i still got to read it on a seriously last minute moment with her and Tyka's help of course. just got the news that Fifie had become a father to a very cute little Melur :) jealous :( it's been awhile since i last hold a baby. i wish Abang Jat and Abang Boy can get married earlier. so, i can officially become an aunt to my niece or nephew. Congratulations, Fifie and Kak Adila :) watched city hunter and you've fallen for preview earlier and it was totally ill-mannered :| haish, 123 days to go for SPM ! and yet i'm still not prepared. Mr. Hong just gave us a really great advise and i think after the test ended i'm gonna start study the hell out !

Be Grateful Before It's Too Late . . . . .

2011-07-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

Friday, 8th July 2011

today was a very happy yet depressing day. i have lots of fun today. but, i ended up heartbroken because my spec fell straight into the toilet and just disappeared without me even me bother to flush it away. one of my friend gave her torchlight to confirm whether the spec has truly disappeared or not and yes there was no hope for me to see that spec of mine once again. i texted my whole family beginning with my mom then both of brother and then my dad about that. mama was totally understanding and doesn't have the slightest of anger. my dad even called me whether i could see or not, whether i could study or not. i cried like a baby that had just lost his balloon there. i felt the guilt and it is killing me. i deserve to get scolded but yet they treated me nicely. once i got into the car when my brother fetch me up, i cried again. i am totally grateful, really grateful. it's not that i am not grateful before, but it just this time i can feel how lucky i am to have them. so, i don't bother if i am not given a great friends at least i have my family. i made my new spec in the same day and skipped tuition because of PMS. Abang Boy got passed the TM's interview and he had to go to Melaka on 12th July for 2 months. i know that he had to go to Melaka but i didn't expect that he has to go this early. the bad news is i have my monthly test that day and i didn't get the change to send him. so, i have made a very want to die decision, i just to forget about the stupid and such a pain in the ass exam in order to send my brother. that test can go to hell. thank you !

An Addiction or An obsession ? Name It !

2011-07-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

yes, this drama is a bad influence. i'm so obsess with this drama and it's a lovely drama like an ice-cream with a red cherry top on it :) i'm totally into city hunter. i have to say that this is the most ill-mannered drama that i have ever watched. they are really great at making the viewers anticipated to what will happen next. i always kept myself busy talking about this drama with my fellow friends and i even drag them to watch it and now even my brother started to watch it. i'm in process to get my mom to watch this drama too :) now, i am the bad influence, a very bad one :o you've fallen for me has the potential to become the next ill-mannered drama. haha. GO ! lee min ho and park min young ! GO ! jung yong hwa and park shin hye !

A Friend Confession or Advice ?

2011-07-06T02:08:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since my friends and i thought about this thing. just because we didn't gave any respond or comments doesn't mean we don't know what is actually going on. to be honest, we grown tired of taking sides or should say thinking who's right or who's wrong. everyone has their own problems but the different is the way they handle it. i'm not saying that i'm good at handling them. yes, i admit that sometimes there's a time i need the time of my own, time to think and time to get up on my feet again. everyone needs time, but you should know how to manage those time and occupied them with beneficial things. silence and the not talking are not going to solve anything. pepatah melayu sendiri mengatakan, api mana boleh lawan dengan api. pernah tak dengar perkataan mengalah ? awak, kalau awak mengalah untuk kebaikan itu bukan tanda kelemahan. in fact, you should be proud of yourself. just for one, you drop your ego and start open up your mind by opening your mouth. tak sayang ke persahabatan ? kalau awak betul sayangkan kawan awak patut fikir apa yang terbaik untuk selamatkan hubungan korang. bukan semua manusia perfect every one of us have our own weakness kalau awak tak suka dengan cara orang cakap elok - elok yang awak tidak suka dengan cara itu dan kalau mereka tidak boleh berubah mungkin itu tugas kita untuk menerima perangai mereka. hidup dalam dunia kena bertolak ansur. dunia ini dipenuhi dengan pelbagai ragam manusia kalau seorang pun tak boleh nak handle macam mana awak nak face dunia yang bakal mendatang ? janganlah sebab perkara kecil yang dibesarkan retak persahabatan. aku tak naklah jadi hipokrit. dulu pon aku pon penakut jugak duduk belakang bayangan sendiri dan bermuka - muka bagai. tapi kita kena berubah untuk kebaikan. saya bukanlah nak kata saya baik sangat jauh sama sekali. tapi fikirlah sendiri daripada awak cerita macam itu dia cerita macam ini, bukankah lagi baik kalau awak cerita macam itu dan macam ini depan muka masing masing. janganlah pentingkan diri dan tahu nak jaga maruah dan tak nak malu sahaja. have you ever wondered why Allah create Adam for Hawa and Hawa for Adam ? it is because each human being needs each other to survive. kalau awak tak boleh tolerate macam mana ? cuba awak bayangkan pernah tak dalam satu hari dalam hidup awak, awak tak bergantung dekat orang ? takkan ? tengok baju yang pakai siapa yang beli ? perut awak kenyang siapa yang bagi makan ? mata pelajaran yang awak tak paham siapa yang ajarkan ? bila awak ada masalah siapa yang jadi pendengar ? bila awak nak pergi kantin pergi rehat siapa yang temankan ? nak pergi toilet sekolah ke ? seburuk mana pon kawan awak tu mesti dia pernah berjasa walaupun sekali dengan awak. jangan sebab tiada komunikasi dan ego awak semua tu berubah. senang cerita ambillah 5 minit pejam mata pastu termenung fikir "kalau esok aku bangun semua orang dalam dunia ni hilang, mampu tak awak survive tanpa mereka ?" kalau awak rasa jawapan awak mampu teruskanlah dengan apa yang awak rasa betol. tapi kalau jawapan awak tak mampu apa kata awak bersabar sahaja, drop your ego and start talking. macam saya cakap tadi, mengalah bukan tanda kekalahan. dalam dunia ini Allah tidak akan menguji hamba mereka dengan masalah yang mereka tak boleh selesaikan. jadi, janganlah putus asa dan ingat orang lain tiada masalah. Allah nak uji sama ada kita kuat atau tidak. bagaimana cara kita nak handle masalah. kalau susah Allah kan ada mintak bantuan dan petunjuk. ada orang lagi susah dari awak, cuma awak je tidak tahu dan tidak nampak. mungkin kawan kat sekolah tu nampak je happy tapi disebalik senyuman tampal ada masalah yang satu dunia tak tahu kan ? macam saya cakap tadi, even Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. sendiri pon Allah uji inikan lagi kita. hadapi sahajalah. tak salah pon kalau nak menangis, nak menjerit, nak mintak advice or even mintak tolong orang dalam proses selesaikan masalah itu. kalau awak rasa orang tak faham apa yang awak lalui mungkin dah jadi tugas awak fahamkan dorang apa yang mereka tak faham itu. sebelum terlambat lebih baik kita perbaiki benda yang masih boleh diperbaiki. awak dah besarkan ? fikirlah apa yang terbaik ? saya bukanlah pandai sangat bagi advice tapi apa yang saya tahu as long as apa yang saya rasa saya buat itu betul dan terbaik untuk kedua - dua belah pihak saya akan buat jatuhkan maruah pun tidaklah mengapa :)

(P/S : this is a confession and an advice from a friend that really want to help a friend, take it or leave it !)

I Just Wasted My RM14.00

2011-07-05T02:44:00.000-07:00

i'm definitely gonna claim my money back the very next time we meet. there's this one friend of mine asked me to try caramel or caramel macchiato at starbucks and yes today i went to starbucks after got back from HUKM. with high expectations that it will taste just fine i asked my brother ordered one iced caramel macchiato for me and one cookies bla bla for my big bro. i swear to god that i really regret buying that caramel macchiato on the first place. MR. AH ! you better pay me back ! maybe things will be better off if i ordered caramel blanded instead of caramel macchiato back then. hmph and pfft !

I'm Sick =_=

2011-07-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

i've been sick lately. i never felt like this. this year is the not so healthy year of mine, i caught cold easily and i've been down with fever several times too. the uncommon things that happen to me. not to mention, my resdung is getting worse lately. stress explains everything. with the SPM things coming up i've been stress just by thinking of my blurry future. i hate going to school especially when Abang Jat's around. everything i did was not coming from my heart, i pretend to smile like nothing's wrong but i feels suffocate. i have big dreams and i really want to make it alive. i don't want my dream left buried deep inside my heart. i fear that i'm not able to face this SPM. it's been three or four days i felt like there's a big stone stuck inside my throat. i ate swallow a lot of things to make it disappear but it's not working. my vision also become blurry and i always felt like fainting. i got headache easily now and i never finish my home works early like used to. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me ? i really miss my high-spirited-self

I'm Bored -__-'

2011-07-01T03:10:00.000-07:00

went to Kejohanan Sekolah as school's student last time before i left that creepy place that has been haunted my life for years. and yeah that picture is my way to define my boredom -__-' i was expecting huge excitement for today event. but yes, it was totally upsetting and i really regret stepping my feet inside the school today. luckily, that girl so called BAHA did sometimes that worth laughing for. totally big humiliation for ibnu AR-RAZI. tomorrow, there's Larian Satu Malaysia pulak -__-' i'm not sure whether i'm going to go or not since today was so boring. it's a shame my last Sport's Day event became like this.

What A Happy But A Sad Day ?

2011-06-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

school was surprisingly fun lately, maybe because there's no extra class throughout the week. doing crosswords puzzles with friends is really fun when you do it together. today, Ahmad Naqiuddin made my day by making tons of jokes :) he's so adorable. i bet Misriyah gonna piss off if she read this. Sorry! instead writing just around the corner on his essay he wrote just a corner around. can you imagine how cute he was to mistaken thought it was correct. and that's not even the best part. instead of saying F.T. ISLAND he said FEAT ISLAND and instead of saying C.N. BLUE he said CIN BLUE. got the picture? i laugh so hard when i first heard that. oh yeah, what people said is true too much laugh for a day can kill you. the only bad news for today is i lost my favourite mechanical pencil that i had since i was 15 ;( to whoever found the pencil please don't take it just because the pencil is still in good condition and if you do take it i'm gonna send cencerot to bite you ass the moment i know who you are ! scary isn't it ?

2011-06-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

went karaoke yesterday with my beloved brother, Aizat Syamin and my girls (Atikah Aliah, Farah Izzati & Farah Aliah). after got back from school went back home. shower up and eat something and off to karaoke. it was totally awesome day for me. we really had fun. i have to say they are super cute when singing. i love you guys. seriously mean it. we ended up singing for 3 hours straight and to be honest i was not that satisfied because of the songs choices. i am definitely craving for karaoke-ing at Pavillion. there's a lot of funny moments and memorable scenes today. i hope that the five of us still can have fun like this again in the future :) love you guys!

Aku Bukanlah Nak Kata Aku Baik

2011-06-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Tadi aku dengan member aku adalah dok berceloteh pasal cakap belakang and mengumpat ni. aku tak da lah nak kata aku ni baik mana, tak pernah nak mengaku pon. cuma aku naklah berkongsi pendapat pasal benda ni. I know that mengumpat is an action that is very bad indeed but most really do like to do this including me. i mean like seriously, even kalau hang tengah dok lepak makan kat mana mana pon kadang kadang hang dok mengumpat orang lalu lalang kat situ dak? mulut manusia katakan macam mana hang nak tutup? takkan hang nak pi jahit satu satu dak? kalau mulut tempayan pon letih kot hang nak tutup satu satu. apa aku dok merepek ni? anyway, benda ni dah macam common sangat dah. orang tau benda tu memang salah dan berdosa besar tapi still tak boleh nak mengawal kuasa nak mengata tu. mungkin salah kita kalau kita dok mengumpat cara orang yang tak bersalah dan tidak dikenali, tapi kalau depa dah dok pi malukan sendiri depan orang ramai dah mengalahkan hot issue pon salah kita ka tak berhenti cakap pasal mereka. memang salah, cara kita membenci mereka mereka yang melakukan perkara tak senonoh ni tapi cuba hang amek 10 minit masa hang. hang dok pikir kalau hang tak buat masalah ada ka orang nak mengata pasal hang? tak, kan? lainlah kalau orang tu gila tak ada keje nak dok mengumpat orang 24 jam dak? itu dah kira fitnah namanya. tu dah tajuk dan label dah tu. luaskan minda fikirlah sendiri ye!

Everything He Said Does Makes Sense

2011-06-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

well, when i think back all over again everything he said does makes sense. yeah, although he is fucking sarcastic and almost everything he said stabbed me in the heart. but, i had to agree 99% words that came from his mind is like a gravity pulling me back into the real world. thank you for all the things you had told me and taught me. you are a great counselor. it is amazing how alone someone can be even when they are surrounded by so many people. i do feel that sometimes and it is painful. how i wish you were one of my classmates. the most important lesson that he had taught me is "knock knock you're alone this whole time and you'll be alone when you're dead" well, thank you for reminding me that. i respect and admire your way of thinking but seriously dude you're super solo-loner. a really successful loner. you are the master of changing personalities and master of faking things. well, get a normal life and live a happy life. dude, you have to move on and don't just give advice without practicing it in your life. すべてに感謝, MR. Caunselor!

What Did I Do Wrong?

2011-06-16T05:22:00.004-07:00

Well, i've been thinking like 12 hours now and i still don't whether i'm wrong or not ? maybe, i should blame my huge ego that's why i think i'm right in this situation. but seriously, i still don't get it. two years past, i have been blame for being too timid and too afraid to tell people what's on my mind and now after two years, after changing my "personality" from being too timid to being straight forward people still dislike my way. i mean WTH? what did i do wrong? is it my fault for being honest. at least, aku tak cakap belakang, okay? adakah kau tak boleh cara aku? argh! gusar hatiku memikirkan. salah akukah? should i apologize for being honest? or should change myself to my old form again? like seriously what should i do? i am so confused right now? advice anyone?

I Have A Lot of Things That I Should Be Grateful of, So

2011-06-15T00:38:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of things that i should be grateful of. like seriously a lot. i have been blessed with mom and dad who loves me, plus two super-supportive brother. although i'm not as rich as Bill Gates, but i'm still thankful with what i have because my family never let me starve to death. i may not be super genius like some of my classmates but at least i'm not an idiot who get straight fail. i'm grateful for everything that Allah have gave me. to be able to speak, hear, see, smell, taste, feel and alive is the greatest gift that Allah had ever gave me. so, it's okay if i got into trouble, failed some of my test, and cried my heart out due to stress because all of these happen because of my own weakness and mistakes. think positive and always believe that each problems have their solutions maybe Allah want us to learn how to independent. so, it's okay if i got friends who doesn't love me, at least i still have my parents and brothers :) i'm not going to cry over this silly little things anymore and i'm going to wake up and study the hell out until the last seconds. do you remember when we are still babies, we often fall all over again until we are able to walk properly. yes, maybe there's a time where our parents help us to get back on our feet again but do we ever stop learning to walk? no, right. so, never give up because Allah is always there watching us. only hardworking people and people who never stop trying are blessed with glory. stop sighing and crying like it's the end of the world !

-Ingatlah di sebalik hujan dan guruh yang Allah turunkan itu, sentiasa terselindung sinar mentari dan pelangi yang datang selepas hujan. Setiap masalah ada penyelesaiannya dan setiap usaha ada balasannya. Hanya cepat atau lambat. Hanya di Bumi atau di akhirat sahaja-

Being Human is Exhausting

2011-06-12T08:38:00.000-07:00

Being human is exhausting. lately, i'm stuck with my addmath's project. i know it's my fault for doing it at the eleventh hour. i've been wasting my holidays with too many korean dramas and this is what i get when i fooled around too much. i'm too exhausted to think about school tomorrow. i hate waking up to school its irritates and annoyed me a lot. i have lots of reason why i don't want to go to school tomorrow including the unfinish homeworks of mine, the feeling of irritating, school reminds me of SPM (i hate this fact), school makes me yawn and sleepy, school makes me always changing my mood like seriously up and down. seriously, the one reason that keeping me alive and breathing in that school of mine are my friends without them, i guess i'll be dead or crazy by now -__-' thanks amigos :)

Ryan Higa :)

2011-06-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

it's Ryan Higa :) he's a youtube's celebrity who has millions of subscribers and he is funny and cute :) he always made my day with his hilarious videos and personality. He's an asian and he talks everything like seriously everything and anything in his mind. Oh yeah ! it will be fun if i had a boyfriend like him :)

Dear School, I Hate Going To You !

2011-06-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

i've just wasted my two weeks holidays with ... i don't know what ? but, i 'm sure there's no study and doing homeworks in it. and yes, i 'm gonna finish those piles of homeworks tomorrow which the last day before the school starts opening again -__- i know this year was suppose to be the most energetic year for me to study all my heart out with all the SPM's things going on. but wth ? this year is the laziest year of all for me to open my book. geez ! yes, i really need a motivation and spank to wake me up. i think i really need to buy a specially designed alarm clock which will always remind me that i'm actually doesn't have much time left.

Definition of a Friend

2011-05-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

some people might think friend is someone you love other than your family, someone that gonna be by your in bad and good times, some might they are just bunch of people who will laugh out loud over a stupid jokes you make. i don't know what you guys thought about your friends and believe me i seriously don't want to know. what makes curious is just sometimes people do backbitting behind their so called best friends. i mean like WTH ? you called yourself a friend? if you really have something to say, say it out loud, say it in front of their face. don't you feel guilty? as for me, being a friend is like marrying someone, both must understand each other and if you don't really agree with what they do you should just say it that you don't like it not say it behind their backs. will that solve anything ? if they can't change, maybe it's our job to understand and accept their way. life is complicated and pack with all kind of people. but, it's not impossible to have a good life, right? if you have a positive mind, i'm sure you gonna live in a very positive way also. well, think about it.

Oh Shock!

2011-03-09T20:05:00.000-08:00

MARCH has come but still i didn't have anything in my head. it's empty like an empty can of coca-cola. i know i have to study but i'm not stronger enough to start. i don't why am i so lazy this year although i know i only have less than a year to proof to world that i am a very good high school's student. i have lost 50% of my interest to Super Junior due to studies and the never ending homework. i am totally fed up with all this craps and i am tired with schools and the things that totally annoyed me at schools. my responsibility to study is getting heavier each day, but it seems i don't have any power or energy left for it. i NEED MOTIVATION and i need someone to slap me in the face asking me to wake up. why am i like this? even my english is getting worse and worse each day. tuition class didn't help much since i fooled around too much while the teachers are teaching in front of the class. if i failed my march's test well, i don't have anyone else to blame except me! i'm choking myself up when i read my blog post again. what happen to my english?

My First Post!

2011-03-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

i just lost my chance again to go watch SS3 in Malaysia and i am sad ;( i don't know what to write and what to share. but still, i want to keep my blog alive. i'm totally frustrated and i hate it when i stuck in this situation. Tyka going to leave me again tomorrow and i don't know whether Fara is going to show up tomorrow.

256 days to SPM!